he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
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