It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
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