I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
Randomize
