My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
I want you more than these girls want KFC
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
you inspire me to be a worse person
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
Randomize
