That's your vagina. No one goes out and burns it
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
Randomize
