I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
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