Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
Randomize
