Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
stop calling my apartment porn island.
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
Randomize
