My entire life is one complicated drinking game
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
Randomize
