Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
Randomize
