I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
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