meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
Randomize
