I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
Randomize
