do you think it i'm gay because i was in a 3 way lastnight?
well not if you dont touch the other dude and concentrate on the chic
what chic?
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
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