Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
Randomize
