Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
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