omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
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