I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
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