I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
cat food counts as protein by the way
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
Randomize