Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
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