We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
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