Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Randomize