I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
Randomize
