Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
I think your dad took our porno
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
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