Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize
