My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
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