it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
Randomize
