thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
