If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
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