Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
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