the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
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