Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
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