Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
Randomize
