I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize