we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
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