Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
Randomize
