i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
ps... at the end of one of the videos you yell "let's do the eiffel tower again.. i'll be in the middle!" .. i almost died lolol
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
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