I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
Randomize
