I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
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