So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
This couple is walking their pig around campus
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
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