You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Randomize
