david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
Randomize
