That's not ass to mouth..... That a rim job!! Are you telling me she licked your asshole?!
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
Randomize
