im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
Randomize
