Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
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