batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
Randomize
