I only kidnapped one of them. chill
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
Randomize
