there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
So much Jack, so little girl.
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
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