I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
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