Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
I understand Curling. That high.
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize
