Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
Randomize
