Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
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