You're completely useless in the revolution.
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
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