She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
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