We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
well I can't set my house on fire every night
That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
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