someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
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