Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
Randomize
