why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
