I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
How would you go about getting a hold of the country star that you slept with and are now potentially pregnant with their baby...?
myspace Music?
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
