some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
Randomize
