We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
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