Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
Randomize
