I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
Randomize
