yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
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