i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
Randomize
