I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
Randomize
