I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
Randomize
