We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
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