my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
Randomize
