Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
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