She went from zero to smokin in five shots
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
Randomize
