p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
Randomize
