i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
can a guy be partially circumsized? cause i dont exactly know what i was lookng at...
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
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