i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Randomize
