I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
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