apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
Randomize
