Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
Randomize
