You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
can a guy be partially circumsized? cause i dont exactly know what i was lookng at...
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
