a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Randomize
