Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
Randomize
